The Internet phenomenona N°2 : Cats

The one thing that has been flourishing since the 2000s on the Internet is cats. It is indeed well known that the Internet is the kingdom of animals, and especially of cats.

To explain my point, I’ve searched the web and beyond !

Just kidding, I’ve checked on wikipedia like anybody else would have done.

Now, I’m sure you’re wondering : how much of daily internet traffic is made out of cats? Well, approximately one percent of the whole internet is made out of cat related stuff (including merchandise, videos, websites etc…).

This is HUGE and it seems that cats had a kingdom for themselves for a looong time (not only are they kings in your homes, they are kings on the internet as well). Some articles are now talking of dogs taking over the web, like cats did. I personally think this is non-sense, I’m a hardcore fan of cats, and I don’t especially like dogs.

You see, cats are everywhere now, since they’ve become famous for their laziness. They’ve even invaded politics lately.

You need proof, uh? Behold!

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« The time to bring these capitalists dogs to the ground is meow » – Lenin’s cat

Not convinced yet? Well:

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Stubbs the cat, mayor of a town in Alaska (USA) 1997-2017
He held office for 15 years goddammit

And as a great philosopher once said : « cats are love, cats are life »- Shrek

Cats are everywhere on the Internet, and as you just saw, they’re one of the most succesful type of memes template. Wanna see some cat memes? Say no more:

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Looks like Stever Harvey to me
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One sure angry boy
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WH… Wh… WHY?

As you can see, cat memes are absolutely delightful, thus making them increasingly better as they age. Just like wine, actually. I surely know one wine expert, and cat hater : @heptt a friend and co-worker of mine, who sometimes brainstorms with me. A great guy, except he hates cats, though he has one that loves him. You ungrateful cunt.

Now I’m digressing…

I have a theory about how cats became kings of the Internet : first, for a biological reason that is a bit hard to grasp if you didn’t gratuate in science. I’ll give it a try : basically, cats are infected with a parasite called Toxoplasma gondii, which colonizes cats through their favorite treat : Mice/rats. Indeed, this parasite disturbs the neuronal system of the rat and entices it into approaching the cat, who will eat it for sure. The parasite thus infects the cat.

It has no effects on cats whatsoever, but instead, the parasite breeds inside the cat (by a process which way too complex for me to explain). As this parasite is transmissible to other mammals, including humans, it can infect us. It’s mostly harmless to humans, although it can be dangerous for people with weak immune systems. Just like rats, this might be why we humans are so attracted to cats when they own one.

The other theory is that we’re just too dumb to realize that they are taking advantage of us and of our pity for these fat loafs.

I mean, look at that:

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This is « Beau Nugget » and what a HUMONGOUS nugget that is

Other than that, we just love to watch these bastards rolling around, trying to be gentle so that we feed them some more… and give them the scratches they need to feel loved, so they then can rip our skin apart with their filthy claws full of bacterias and other miscellaneous germs.

But we still love them. They deserve it… Or do they? That’s up to you to find out if you love cats or not, you parasited being. I do, and if you don’t, fuck off.

Image associée
Yes Keyboard cats exist, and I still don’t understand how they manage to like sleeping on that many keys.

If you’re a cat lover (and even if you’re not) please share this article. It’s the first one I wrote fully in English, and it is mostly addressed to people that lack english vocabulary, or just english speaking students, adults etc… Actually, to everyone that followed their english class when they were in 6th grade, and even to those who did not (you idiots can’t even say « hello my name is blablabla » properly, shame on you, and yes I really mean it).

Don’t forget to follow « La Giclée » and to subscribe to our Facebook page, our Twitter account, Instagram, etc… Even Pornhub (Probably?) check it out yourself (stop fapping already you dirty fuck).

Well that’s all for me, remember to love cats as much as they do (not) love you, to follow my upcoming articles, and maybe read the ones I’ve already written? They’re all in French, but this could be a good written comprehension exercise for you all fellow « Gicleurs-Lecteurs ». Don’t know what that means? Me neither.

See you soon for upcoming articles and other shitty internet memes related stuff I’ll write!

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« Woopsie daisy » – друг

Expat Bressan

"Seulô avoué du kanon ou de la byézhe ?" - Un Bressan quelconque mais bien rond

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